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Can we have a heart to heart today? Can I just sit and expose my weaknesses, my fears, and my thoughts with you?

Since breaking my leg, I’ve been consumed by 2 thoughts…

1. I have to do everything in my power to avoid weight gain during my recovery.
2. How much strength and stamina am I going to lose over these few weeks?

I know that strength and stamina will return quickly with smart, progressive training. So while it’s a fear, it’s something I have accepted. I fully expect to have to use a kettlebell down from what I’m used to for a bit while I return to my pre-injury self.

But the fear of gaining weight and turning into a ball of mush is real.

And for me to want to obsess over this isn’t a surprise, nor is it an embarrassment. It’s natural to worry, but not to obsess. And that’s where I’m beginning to lean.

I’m a woman and as you guys all like to refer to me, I’m “real”.

Over the coming weeks, I’ll share workout tips and tricks and motivational posts to stay strong when we’re feeling weak or injured. But today, I’m not there.

I’m going to assume that I am not alone in this fear which is why I want to address it today. To say, you’re not alone. And hopefully, a few of you will say the same in return.

The Broken Leg Nutrition Plan

As soon as I was able to sit down with my computer, I began to google bone healing nutrition to see what I could do to facilitate the healing process.

I read about the vitamins that would help…

• Lysine
• Vit D
• Vit C
• Calcium
• Multivitamin

… The need to increase protein intake, and that upping calorie intake was important.

The body is working hard to heal and depending on the break, some people have to consume up to 6,000 calories per day to support new bone growth!

While my injury is not nearly severe enough for such a jump in calories, I was aware that I should maintain at least where I was prior to the break, if not a few hundred calories up.

I also knew that my workout routine was shot for the next 6 weeks so I made a promise to stick to a very clean diet, void of sugar and low in alcohol.

Great plan, right?

The Fear Creeping In

Let’s quickly recap what a day of eats looked like last week…

BREAKFAST:

My pain is worst during the night and first thing in the morning. Which means, all I can muster for breakfast is a protein shake.

I fill the blender with all the healthy goodies I can find in the fridge and hit blend. It’s been delicious, creamy, smooth and of course filled with protein.

Dan hates this. He understands why I am doing it and hasn’t argued about it but he does make comments that I need a more fulfilling breakfast and more whole foods like veggies and eggs.

However, when we’re both trying to get out of the house by 6 am, he doesn’t have the chance, nor would I let him, make me breakfast.

After breakfast, I am either out the door to teach or stuck sitting on the Lazi-Boy with my leg elevated and computer in lap to work.

I used to have a mid morning snack, now the idea of crutching my way into the kitchen and the shuffling, unbalanced efforts to get something just sounds awful. So I’ve skipped this and just push through until lunch.

LUNCH:

A salad with a 2 eggs on top for protein. Easy, fast and delicious. But not exactly high in calories.

Afternoon snacks? They still happen! I keep fruit and nuts at the studio so I have things to nibble on at my desk.

DINNER:

It’s up to Dan, but generally included grilled chicken and some type of vegetable. Above was amazing… shitake noodles with asparagus and grilled chicken drizzled in cucumber dill sauce.

Because of my lack of exercise my appetite hasn’t been as raging and I’ve been leaving a few bites on the plate. Dan normally has a few words to say about this too…

Because he gets me.

The first day or two the reason for the lack of snacks or leaving a few bites behind may have been out of pain, laziness or low appetite. But that’s not the case any longer.

The fear has crept up.

The fear that my body will betray me and the muscles I’ve built, the metabolism I’ve created will turn against me leading to a body I can no longer recognize.

I know this is ridiculous. I also know that I am supposed to be setting an example and showing my strengths.

Well, guess what? I have weaknesses just like every other woman on this planet. This happens to be it.

I Know It Won’t Be As Bad As I Think

Trust me, I know that 6 weeks really isn’t that long. I know I am beyond lucky that 6 weeks is all that I am confined to these crutches and Bertha, the boot. I also know that in 6 weeks I am not going to gain 50 pounds.

Yet, as someone who has suffered from unhealthy exercise and food obsession in the past, it’s hard to keep those thoughts in the forefront.

The fear is real people. It’s there.

Those bites left on the plate? They are there because that means those are extra calories I am not eating. Skipping the snack? Again, cutting back the calories that I would normally be burning during a workout.

Acknowledging Weakness And Fears To Move On

What made me realize that I was beginning to obsess?

A few days ago, I was talking to Jeanette. She was telling me that her diet was in need of a makeover, she has been splurging way too much and needed to clean things up a bit.

I started to think about my diet over the past week and realized it had been clean, really clean.

I think I made a joking comment that went something like,

“Well, I learned breaking your leg is a huge nutrition motivator. Afraid of getting huge, so avoiding all crap.”

She chuckled and I realized the fear was there and though I wasn’t going to the extremes yet, I could see myself getting there.

I know that 6 weeks isn’t going to change my body the way my mind is trying to make me think. I know that the little changes that will happen will be able to be reversed quickly. My doctor already said that as soon as the 6 weeks is over, I’ll be good as new. No physical therapy needed, just physical movement.

I also know that even my “bad” isn’t that bad when it comes to nutrition. I’m harder on myself than I need to be.

And finally, I know that my body is under a lot of stress right now. Stressing out about each bite I put in my mouth just isn’t worth it.

Overcoming Injury Induced Nutrition Obsession

For me, whenever I begin to obsess too much over my food, it helps to talk about it. Putting it out in the universe helps acknowledge what’s going on and gives me the strength to use my real brain (the brain that is rational) to make better decisions.

Next, eating real food is key.

I know that shakes are real food, but because my protein powder has just 80 calories per scoop, I can create a pretty great shake that has less than 200 calories. I have too much control over this and for me (maybe not you), shakes make it easy to cut calories.

Does that make sense?

I know this and therefore need to make a tweak.

Shakes are still the easiest things for me to make without hassling my husband, so instead a friend gave me a nutrition packed protein powder to try that has 220 calories per serving. That with added peanut butter, spinach and topped with a sprinkle of nuts (I love a crunch) brings it up to over 300 calories.

Much better for a healthy start to the day.

And finally, I honestly have found myself asking the question… Am I full or do I just want to be full?

Those are two very different questions. If I am truly full, I’m fine leaving a few bites on my plate. If it’s because I want to be full, I fork on and shuffle the last few bites in.

*Can we please discuss the meal above?

Saturday night we fancied ourselves up for a dinner with friends at Charleston Grill. It was epic. I went into the night keeping in mind all the points I had written in the post, so I decided to take a breath and enjoy the evening.

Steak Tartar, Flounder, Rose’ and Foie Gras. All delicious! And the company was even better! I enjoyed every single bite!

Doing What I Can

And then there is the workout part that keeps me sane.

Exercise is the best medicine, it has always been the rock to keep my focus on nutrition in a healthy place.

When I workout, I eat to fuel. After talking with my doctor about what I can and can’t do, I’ve gotten a bit more comfortable in the studio with my kettlebells.

Workouts are short but targeted. I may not have the strongest legs by October, but damn it, my arms and abs will be strong! Haha.

Doing what I can, what you can when you’re injured makes you feel more whole. I can sit around and cry about canceling our trip (which I did after I got off the phone with the airlines), I can cry about having to drop out of races (which I didn’t do) or I can focus on the things I can do.

It’s not about a pity party, it’s about making yourself feel strong and able. Pull-ups anyone?

So with that…

Moving On

I’ve said it, I’ve put my thoughts and fears out there. Now it’s time to push those fears away and do what I KNOW is right, not what my stupid brain tries to convince me is right.

And if you’re in a similar place, I suggest you do the same. Get the destroying thoughts out, feel free to email me (seriously, at Taylorryan0406@gmail.com) if you have no one to tell, and allow yourself to hear and see those thoughts (just remember, I’m not a doctor or therapist). Trust me, it helps to realize what the issue is and helps to move forward.

Okay, that’s it. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. Peace out friends!

Off to grab a snack!

I am slightly claustrophobic, and of course you already know, I am afraid of being late.

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