Top 10 Thursday: 10 Secrets Road Runners Don’t Want Me To Share
By admin
Happy Thursday! I hope that the week is passing smoothly. So far so good on this end. I will say that I am ready for next week in terms of my fitness. While I know my body is loving this “cool down” week, I am ready to rev up the intensity and hit the gym hard! I’ve got my eye on some weights! 
But that will have to wait. While I am waiting I might as well make the most out of the time. Which means sharing with you some dirty little secrets.
Curious?
9 out of 10 times, after long runs, I walk in and have some sort of story/event to tell Dan. Sometimes they are embarrassing sometimes just things I want to share (and he doesn’t necessarily want to know). Last time I did this, he looked at me and said… Why don’t you share these on the blog!?
“Because… they can be embarrassing!”
I responded back. To which he added, that yes, they are, but all runners can relate and everyone that wants to run should know. And if you are neither then you still might get a chuckle.
So without further ado, I present:
What Happens On The Road, Stays On The Road:
10 Secrets Road Runners Don’t Want Me To Share
Now how is that for a Top Ten Thursday title?
Good-bye constipation.
TMI? In college I had a friend that ran all the time. I remember her telling me of an incident that occurred one time… she started her run and it jostled her belly to the point she was about to having an “emergency”. With no public place in site, she “went” behind a bush.
I was disgusted and didn’t understand the whole runner-mergency thing… until I started running. It jostles your intestines A LOT. This is why I NEVER drink coffee before a run and I wake up about an hour before hitting the road in an effort to clean things out before hand.
BUT, sometimes my body just doesn’t cooperate. All runners have been there and can relate. On those mornings, I make sure to have a route that has a few options such as: grocery stores, Starbucks and even porty potties.
I have not had this happen to the severity of my friend, but I have had to stop a run short to high tail it home.
They aren’t going as far.
When I am giving a run everything I have and then suddenly see some random runner swish past me, my first thought…
“Oh, they must not be running as far as I am.”
Makes sense right… they aren’t running as far so they clearly can run faster. If they were going my distance, they would be running my pace or slower. Right? Okay, it helps me feel better. If you run, you know you’ve thought this too.
Your yard is my best friend.
There is nothing as satisfying as finding a yard that has sprinklers on. I’ve been known to run into yards, trample nice grass and jump through strangers’ sprinklers a time or two. When your hot, you’ll do anything. Luckily, no one has rushed our their doors with a broom stick… yet.
Runners LOVE homeowners that water their lawns during the summer.
Runners don’t like you either.
I know that people driving get frustrated when they see a runner or a biker on the road and have to slow down to get around them. Or if they have to stop so that a runner can cross the road.
You know what, we don’t like cars either. And when a car doesn’t stop, our thoughts? Something along the lines of:
“Punk, I have the right of way!” (Punk is not the word that is most commonly used).
My friends often make fun of me when I run because I am the most aggressive runner. I very rarely stop at stop signs, and just assume that cars will stop for me. That’s how is should go, after all stopping for them would slow our times down and mess our mile splits up. Right?
Runners and bikers aren’t friends.
So I personally do not have an issue with bikers, most of the time. However, it’s an unspoken law that runners and bikers don’t see eye to eye on each others’ sports. Unless you’re a triathlete of course.
Otherwise, bikers don’t get how runners get pleasure out of running, and get tired of going around us on paths. Runners get annoyed hearing bikers shout out “LEFT LEFT” while them zoom past clearly okay with the thought of just running you over if you god forbid don’t move “LEFT”.
Saw this and couldn’t resist.
Poofs happen.
Okay, another TMI but still oh so true. This is along the lines of secret #1… runners can’t escape having some extra gas issues from time to time on the road. It happens, it’s natural and just keep moving. There really is no point in trying to squeeze it in, your running steps will make it inevitable.
This is really only an issue for treadmill running. On the road no one will hear/smell or know your “poofing” along. But the treadmill can be a different story. Make sure to avoid gassy foods like beans, broccoli, cabbage, sugar-free foods, whey protein, etc.
Just 6 miles.
When people ask runners how far they went that morning often the reply is something along the lines of “Oh just 6 miles.”
Just? Yea, it’s there for an ego boost.
Of course secretly, we want you to go, wow! That’s great. We have egos and we like to have them stroked. I wish I could say I was different, but it would just be a lie.
The grossest feet ever.
I wish someone had warned me about this one before I started training for my first half marathon. My toes are no longer cute and manicured.
The tips are callused, I am missing one toe nail, and the pads of my feet are not as soft as they used to be. One of my poor toes has a blood blister from my last race that won’t heal up.
Yup, sexy feet.
Right now, I am fine with them. But come summer, I guess I’ll paint a toe nail on and purchase the ped-egg?
Food Food Food
On long run days, runners think about what food their run will justify splurging on. It helps the miles to pass by focusing on something as delicious as a giant Whole Foods EVERYTHING vegan cookie, or a fancy coffee and bagel from Starbucks, or the thought of going home to make a dark chocolate lava cake.
Food makes everything better. And after a long run, nothing is out of the question. Sometimes I never actually indulge in my food fantasies but it does help the run to go faster.
Unspoken bonds.
In college I had my sorority. Now I have my fellow fitness friends and runners. There is an unspoken bond between runners. When your legs are heavy and you are thinking about giving up, suddenly out of no where a runner is passing by giving words of encouragement.
Even if it’s not during a race. I love my Saturday morning runs because I am greeted with so many fellow athletes on the road. Suddenly a 65 year old women running towards me becomes a friend… all with just a 2 second acknowledgement with a wave. It’s comforting and offers a feeling of camaraderie that we all desire.
I don’t feel that same love when I am lifting weights (even though I LOVE to lift weights). It doesn’t matter if you run 1/2 mile or 10 miles, we are all out on the roads for the same reasons. And it’s pretty cool.
And on that positive note, the end has come.
What do you think?
Do you have any secrets about running?
Tomorrow I am going out of town to Charlotte for my friend’s bachelorette party! I am super excited and in desperate need of a mini vaca! I can’t wait to share how it goes. If you have any recommendations for things in Charlotte, please share!
I am planning on a run early Saturday morning, so if you’re in the area and want to meet up email me (Taylorryan0406@gmail.com).
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