Would Your 20 Year Old Self Approve Of You?
By admin
Isn’t it funny, when we were 20, we thought we could take on the world. We thought we knew everything and had complete control over our lives.
When I was 20 I had everything mapped out. I can remember distinctly thinking that by the time I turned 30, life would look something like this:
Go to med school and complete residency
Open my own OB/Fertility practice <— this was mapped out to be done at age 30.
Be married by 24-25.
Kids at age 27 and 29
Funny how life changes. And if anything, somewhere around the 26-30 year mark you learn the biggest life lesson…
Life Can’t Be Mapped Out
Last week I went for a run with my friend, Ashton. During the run we started discussing the life we live versus the life we thought we would live.
For some reason, I couldn’t shake the topic out of my head once the run was finished.
I couldn’t help but wonder, “Would my 20 year old self approve of my life?”
Young adulthood is filled with so much hope, unlimited expectations and this idea that if we’ve done everything right, all the pieces will fall perfectly into place. The sky is the limit.
But let’s be honest, thats naive. And somewhere around age 26, you finally realize that life can’t be mapped out. It’s ever changing and so are we.
Now & Then
Dan often asks me if I ever regret not going to med school.
To which I always respond with, “no, I love my life.”
But for some reason, I really gave it thought this weekend. While I am not disappointed that I didn’t go, I can’t help but partially wonder what if I had?
Would I own that practice? Or would I have chosen a different field of medicine during the 4 years of school? Would I be married to Dan? Would I have decided during school that medicine wasn’t for me and have still found my way to where I am right now?
You know, doing handstands?
Who knows. Those are questions that will never be answered. And in the end are pretty stupid to even think since all we have is the present.
We can’t hold on to dreams we had in our previous lives. We’re not those people.
When school started back many of my friends posted up images of their kids holding up signs with the date, their grade, and what they want to be when they grow up. One of my friend’s has a daughter who proudly held up a sign reading… “When I grow up, I want to be a unicorn.”
She would make an adorable rainbow, horned horse but I have a feeling as she gets old that sign will read something else.
We change, we grow, we learn about ourselves and the goals we once had, aren’t changed for the worst….
They’re changed for who we morph into.
So no, I’m not the vision my 20 year old self had envisioned… but I think she would approve and ended up feeling the same pride had she hit those original goals.
I’m the vision my 30 year old self envisioned.
And I feel pretty good about that. Who knows what life will be like at 40, I’m done trying to map it all out. Life is an adventure, right?
But if I weren’t satisfied?
I’m a peace with that too because we live in a revolving world. If while I was having this internal conversation, decided I wasn’t happy, then what can I do about it? Plenty, life isn’t stagnant, it can be changed.
I already changed it once, and if needed I (you) can change it again.
Thank you for going deep with me today.